Jokes from Full Throttle Magazine NY/NE

HAPPILY MARRIED

THE BARBER SHOP

WOMEN'S ASS SIZE STUDY

CHURCH

BLONDE

HAPPILY MARRIED

A married couple were sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor.
The husband asks "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?"
"Yes" she replies, "He's my ex-husband, and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."
"That's remarkable" the husband replies, "I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long."

THE BARBER SHOP

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can
get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours."

The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How
long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3
hours."

The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long
before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and half."

The guy leaves.

The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill, follow
that guy and see where he goes.

He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then doesn't come
back."

A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"

Bill replies, "Your house!"

WOMEN'S ASS SIZE STUDY

There is a new study out about women and how
they feel about their asses!
I thought the results were pretty interesting:
85% of women think their ass is too fat...
10% of women think their ass is too skinny...

The other 5% say that they don't care, they love

him, he's a good man, and they would have
married him anyway.

CHURCH

A Minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday Sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars:
The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a jar of sperm.
The fourth worm was put into a jar of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following
results:
The first worm in alcohol - dead
Second worm in cigarette smoke - dead
Third worm in sperm - dead
Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive
The Minister asked the congregation, "What can you learn from this
demonstration?"

A little old woman in the back quickly raised her hand and said,
"As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't have worms."

BLONDE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her
body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show
me." The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left breast and screams,
then she pushes her right breast and screams in even more agony. She pushes
her thigh and screams; likewise she pushes her other thigh and screams.
Everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you? "Well, no" she says,
"I'm actually a blonde." "I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is
broken."

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